Thinker

I’ve been reflecting today on the past year. . . Okay, I reflect a lot. And project a lot (probably too much, Josh would say, ha ha!). But this month particularly, I’ve realized just how quickly this year has passed. We’ve gone through trials, and learned so much as a family. We’ve adapted, changed, and learned to love others in a whole new way. It’s been a fresh year, full of new challenges and lessons. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed the journey, and eye the years to come with anticipation!

My children are growing up! I love watching them together, listening to them chatter and play, tell each other jokes, finish each others’ nursery rhymes, and sing songs together. I love talking to them, getting to know each of them, and learning how they work things out in their minds. I love putting them to bed at night, feeling their arms squeezed tight around my neck, and knowing that no matter how good or bad the day was, tomorrow is a new one and I get to spend it with them. I love how Ben has taken it upon himself to be Claire’s teacher! It’s so cute the way he explains to her how to use the bigger words in his vocabulary (usually the ones he just learned yesterday). And Claire just drinks it in- she loves playing with Ben. They’ve both become independent, strong-willed little people. They are tender hearted, and make me smile so much! I am amazed- Ben is turning 5 in a couple of weeks, and Claire will be 3 a few days later. It seems like only yesterday they were brand new babies, and I was holding them for the first time.

I get to share these two sweet kidlets with Josh, who I love so much. He is such a good person! He is grounding force when I need to be grounded, he is so smart, and he keeps me in good humor. I love telling him about the funny things that happened during the day, and also the not-so-funny things, which he always helps me through. He’s my best friend, my confidant, my companion, my love.

I’ve also realized that I’m getting old. Granted, I’m not terribly old, but I’m nearing middle-age. It’s strange that I can look back to just a few years ago, with an ever-so-slightly more wizened eye upon the things that I’ve said or done. It’s true what they say: hindsight really IS 20/20. Thinking over the past has driven me to a decision: I am giving up regret. It’s such a useless, wasteful emotion. There are things I’ve said and done that I really wish I hadn’t, but looking back and feeling bad about it doesn’t help at all. Instead, it makes the present seem lack-luster. When filled with regret, rather than drink in the moments that are happening now with vigor, I become robotic, and surge through the present while dwelling unhappily on past things unchangeable. And so, after 27 years, I bid regret farewell, and guilt adieu! I’m moving on, and determined to enjoy precious time!

Sorry so serious-- I'll dig up my sense of humor for my next post. . . :)